Health & Healing

Mind Your Brain - Part 2: The Intellectual Brain

2012-01-24T14:32:00.000Z

In a previous post, Mind Your Brain – Part 1: The Primitive Brain, I described the Primitive brain(a subconscious, emotional part of the brain also known as the Limbic system)and its role in stress. This time, I want to focus on the Intellectual brain,often called the Cerebral Cortex, Neocortex or Main Cortex.

Contrary to the Primitive brain, the Intellectual brain isrational, solution-focused and positive. It’s what we have and animals don’ttend to have. When we are operating from this part of the brain, things in ourlives go smoothly. If we do hit a bump in the road, we cope with it. We are incontrol and we make decisions that are right for us. We accept how things are,and we get on with it or we make the necessary changes. We focus on findingsolutions, not dwelling on problems. Furthermore, we focus on what we want, not what we don’t want. And we have theability to think clearly and make a properassessment of any situation we are in.

The Intellectual brain can handle stress to a certain point;in fact, we need a bit of stress to get us up in the morning (when cortisol, astress hormone, is released for example). We also have a choice when we’re inthe Intellectual brain – we choose to be happy, or we choose to use anger whenwe feel there has been an injustice, for instance.

However, when too much stress and anxiety is accumulated, wereach a tipping point, and once we past the tipping point we lose intellectualcontrol and the Primitive brain takes over. The level of the tipping point isdifferent for each of us.

To re-gain our intellectual control, we need to move fromthe Primitive brain ‘operating system’ back into the Intellectual brain‘operating system’. We can do this by managing our levels of anxiety and stress.In other words, we need to learn how to relax. When we relax, we are in control.Our anxiety has gone down and we can cope, or more importantly, we can start tocreate our lives the way we want them again.

The relationship between the Intellectual brain and thePrimitive brain can be seen as a parent/child relationship. The Intellectualbrain is the parent and can put its foot down with the Primitive brain, i.e.the child. The child knows when to throw a tantrum to get what he or she wants;that is when the parent isn’t feeling strong and the child knows the parentwill give in. The Primitive brain acts in the same way – it throws a tantrum toget what it wants (to be in control), we give in and the more often we do so,the stronger the Primitive brain becomes.

But like any parent/child relationship, the parent can takeback control and say “enough is enough”. The more often the Intellectual brain puts itsfoot down, the stronger this part of the brain becomes. Ensure you’re managingyour stress levels at the same time, and you’ll be well on your way to creatingchange.

In the next part of this series on the brain, I will talkabout specific ways in which we can help ourselves get back into theIntellectual brain. For now, how do you notice when your Intellectual brain isrunning the show, and when your Primitive brain is taking control? Can youstart to put your foot down?

More Small Stones

2012-01-20T10:06:00.000Z

Last week I posted a selection of my small stones that Ihave been writing for the January River of Stones Mindful Writing Challenge.Click here for my post River Of Stones Writing Challenge.

Today I would like to share some more of my small stones:

11/01/2012

Putting on the kettle

Making a brew

Time to sit and listen

Sipping; embracing the comfort:

All will be OK

12/01/2012

A wonderful blessing

Daily closeness with Mum

Chatting, cups of tea

Putting the world to rights

13/01/2012

Moon

Bright beacon in the sky

Guide me with your wisdom

Navigate me home

14/01/2012

Many years have past

Yet our friends still strong

As if we saw each other only yesterday

Laughter, sharing stories

Catching up; genuinely

Caring and wanting the best for each other

A perfect afternoon

With my oldest friends.

15/01/2012

Picking an angel card

What will the day bring?

‘Faith’ it is,

And Faith it will be.

16/01/2012

Walking up the stairs

I wonder, had I left the landing light on?

Getting closer, I realise

It’s the setting sun

Illuminating the top of the house so brightly;

It takes my breath away, such a

Magnificent sight.

17/01/2012

Light, white dusting of frost on the grass,

Leaves, trees and rooftops

Minus five at nine o’clock

Winter has finally arrived

18/01/2012

Drizzle, drizzle, falling from the grey sky

Thought running through the woods will keep me dry

19/01/2012

Sitting in a quiet café

Lunch hour rush has passed

Time to sip tea and write

A small stone

Whilst waiting for a fellow

Writer and dear friend

Stealing moments like these

Just for myself

Mind Your Brain - Part 1: The Primitive Brain

2012-01-15T14:35:00.000Z

Credit: Free images from acobox.com

This is the first part of a series of blog posts about thebrain and the impact of stress. When I did my hypnotherapy training,understanding the brain was a vital component of the therapy that would beoffered to clients. Research had shown that once patients understood how theirbrains worked, therapy would be more successful.

As an added bonus, learning about and understanding how mybrain works has helped me enormously to understand myself better, why I do certainthings, how to break unhealthy habits and patterns, and generally how to feelbetter about myself and create a better life. It also helps with managingstress.

So, let me explain the Primitive brain in simple terms. Wehave an Intellectual (rational) part of the brain and a Primitive (emotional) part of thebrain. In the picture above, the Primitive brain is around the Hippocampus and Hypothalamus areas. In some texts, it has also been called the Limbic System.

The subconscious Primitive part has been there ever since we were cavemenand cavewomen, and houses our fight/flight/freeze response (in the amygdala in between the Hippocampus and the Hypothalamus). Its function is toensure our survival. The Primitive brain is negative and obsessional. It storestemplates of how we survived in dangerous situations (e.g. running away from ahungry bear), and refers back to them to tell us how we should respond insimilar future situations.

The Primitive brain cannot be innovative and focuseson the worst case scenario. We don’t have time to stop and think rationally, for example to assess whether the bear hasalready eaten its dinner. By then, he will have devoured us. In that split second, thePrimitive brain sets in motion a chain of events in your body (sweaty palms,heart beating faster, adrenaline rushing to all your muscles, shutting yourdigestive system down, etc) in order for you to get away immediately.

Nowadays, we are less likely to run into that bear; we runinto stress instead. When we are stressed and it overwhelms us, the Primitivepart of the brain will think we’re in some sort of danger and will take over,responding with anger, anxiety and/or depression. It’s often not theevents in our lives that are stressful, but how we think about them that causesthe stress. Our brains cannot distinguish between reality and imagination.

In the Primitive brain, we are on auto-pilot. Things becomemindless: mindless eating to comfort ourselves when we’re depressed; mindlessangry outbursts when the toothpaste has run out; mindless nail-biting beforepublic speaking. The Primitive brain focuses on what we don’t want.

We are no longer ourselves; our personality changes and ournegative traits and fears come to the fore. If we were approachable before, we’re nowpathetic. We can become selfish, dramatic and sometimes suicidal. Or suddenly, our claustrophobia (fear of being in enclosed spaces) or arachnophobia (fear of spiders) flares up. As a result of being in our Primitive brain for too long, we may suffer physically from irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), migraines, or insomnia, for example.

Next time, I will discuss The Intellectual Brain. In themeantime, I invite you to notice when your Primitive brain is in action. Whattriggered it? What seems to be the pattern? Can you identify with my examplesabove?

Please notethat I am describing everything in broad terms and not everything has been covered, but if you’re interestedin reading more technical texts on the matter I can recommend a few fantastic books, suchas:

Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson
The Tell-Tale Brain by VS Ramachandran
Human Givens: a new approach toemotional health and clear thinking by Joe Griffin & Ivan Tyrrell
Why zebras don't get ulcers by Robert M. Sapolsky

River Of Stones Writing Challenge

2012-01-10T09:32:00.000Z

Back in December I signed up for the River of Stones Mindful Writing Challenge – January 2012. The idea is tonotice something properly every day and to write it down. These then become your‘stones’.

I started on New Year’s Day and I’ve written a small ‘stone’most days. I would like to share some of them with you today, and to invite youto think about the beautiful, little things in your life that you sometimes missfrom being too busy and rushing around. It has helped me to pause, reflect andsee there is so much beauty around us. We only need to look to see it.

01/01/2012

Not just a new day

A new year has begun

Grey skies, wind blowing

Yet quiet optimism is felt

02/01/2012

Hello blue sky

How I have missed you

And grateful for your beauty

today

03/01/2012

Soft, white sheets cover me

Like a protective blanket

Cool to touch, all snuggled up

I can’t wait to fall asleep

04/01/2012

The movement of my body

Into the Warrior pose

Feeling strong and spirited

Let’s take on the world

05/01/2012

Kind words

Fed back to me

By a kind person

06/01/2012

Breaking a pattern

The universe helps

Oh how I am thankful

And love the magic of it

09/01/2012

Cheering up a friend

Sharing what I know

Wishing her the best

She has the strength inside

10/01/2012

Water

Pure, cool and fresh

Hydrating the cells

Rejuvenating the body

Stop Looking

2012-01-02T14:13:00.000Z

Two powerful words that my mum said to me last week andwhich have inspired me ever since. Mum had watched a YouTube* clip of a womanwho said that when you want to attract something into your life, or when you’reincessantly searching for what you want, sometimes all you need to do is to “stoplooking”.

I am passionate about finding happiness, peace and love – andI know that sometimes I can get caught up in trying to make my life better, thatI forget to stand still and enjoy what I already have that is good. When I stop looking, I allow what I want to flow into mylife.

I think it’s about finding the balance between taking actionand waiting for what you want. I like to use a gardening metaphor to explainit. You begin by planting a seed in the soil. If you’re a lover of all thingsthat grow, like Samwise Gamgee in The Lord of The Rings, then you’ll be excitedabout seeing what you’ve planted grow and bloom into a beautiful flower or rosebush.What won’t help, though, is attending to the planted seed day in, day out,every second of every hour. The seed needs ‘room’ to grow. It has its own process.We cannot interfere in its growth. Of course we can take some action and helpit grow, such as watering the soil when it needs it. But we have to be carefulnot to water it too much, or else it will never come into fruition. Sometimeswe need to step back and let nature take its course.

It’s the same with our ideas, our creativity, and our lives.We can plant a seed, do our best in helping the seed sprout, but when we obsessover it, interfere too much or try too hard, the seed may not grow at all.

In a world where time is of the essence, this kind ofattitude towards allowing things to unfold and happen seems so rare. It’s allfast-paced, everything has to be done by yesterday, and we want instant responseand gratification.

Where has the joy in watching something grow gone? Where hasthe enjoyment in the process of creativity, the journey, the adventure of life,gone? Far too often we focus too much on the end result and in the meantime wemiss out on the wonders and the magic of life. We forget to enjoy our ownjourney on Earth. We forget to be mindful of every moment we are in existence.

If you’re always looking for what you want, you might missit when it comes along – it may even already be right in front of you. Have faithand courage, and when you finally see, feel or touch it, seize it!

So I’ll remind myself to stop looking for love, peace andhappiness. It’s already here, inside my heart.

I just didn’t see it.

*If you’re interested in watching the YouTube clip, pleaseclick here

The Year Ahead: 2012

2011-12-28T13:19:00.000Z

In my previous post, Time To Reflect: 2011, I mentioned Ihad written down my words for 2011, but what I didn’t mention was that I alsojotted down a few goals for the year. On a piece of scrappy paper, I hadwritten what I wanted to achieve in 2011. Like with my words, I had forgottenabout my goals until I came across the piece of paper when I was packing up mythings in Bristol to move back to The Netherlands. Not only that, when I foundit again this morning I noticed that out of the six goals, I achieved five thisyear. Wow.

Looking ahead to 2012, and as I am in a different place tolast year when I was setting my goals, has my focus changed? Do I want similarthings? Do I want to build on my 2011 achievements?

One way in which I think about my goals is to think abouthow balanced the three main areas of my life are: a ‘tool’ I learnt through myhypnotherapy training. The three main areas I look at with clients are jobs*,relationships** and the way we feel about ourselves. Each area affects theother area(s) and when one area is out of balance, another area will sooner orlater be affected, if we don’t do something about it. For example, think abouthow you feel about yourself if you dislike your job. Day in, day out, youreluctantly go to work – how does that affect your mood? Do you feel grumpy,angry, stressed? When you feel that way, does that have an effect on yourrelationships? How do your colleagues react to you when you’re feeling angry?Do you take your frustration out on your partner?

When we feel good about ourselves, we tend to have goodrelationships with others and we can carry on with our job, whatever that maybe. And the other way round. These three areas are intertwined.

So, look at each of the three areas and ask yourself: “On ascale of 0 to 10, where 0 is I want tojump off a bridge and 10 is everythingis as I would like it to be, where am I in terms of my job(s)?Relationship(s)? The way I feel about myself?”

Once you’ve rated each area, think about how you are goingto climb up the scale. If you’re already at 10, then think about how you cancontinue to stay at 10. What small thing can you do to help you go from a 5 toa 6? What does that 6 look like? What action can you take to get closer to that6? Of course, then you will need to take that action!

This is a great exercise to shift your thinking from “thingshappen to me” to “I can make things happen”. It gives youa sense of control and choice.

In the next few days I will think about my goals for nextyear and I’ll be sure to write them down in a notebook, along with my word forthe year.

What will you make happen in 2012? I would love to know, andplease keep me posted on your progress.

Happy New Year!

*Jobs can include yourdaily work, or your role as a mother, father, housewife, etc.

**Relationships withyour partner (or lack of partner), family, friends, colleagues, etc.

Time To Reflect: 2011

2011-12-21T14:55:00.001Z

At the start of this year, I picked a few words to decidewhat would be my word of 2011. For some reason I found it difficult to pickonly one. What was 2011 going to bring? What was the focus going to be?

The idea for word of the year came from Christine Kane viaJo Parfitt. In her blog, Jo had written about how she had picked a word for2011 and had been inspired by Christine Kane. My mum at Yarn Song & Yogadid the same. I liked the idea and decided to pick one (well, a few) too.

The other day I thought about my words and I looked for mynotebook where I wrote them in. When I found the page, I was surprised to seethat not only had I written a few down, I’d actually highlighted one of them. Thatone must have jumped out at me at the time, yet I hadn’t remembered it. Strange,I thought.

So, the words I’d written down for 2011 were:

Faith

Vision

Discovery

Trust

Abundance

Prosperity

Adventure

The word I’d highlighted in yellow was Trust. Reflecting onthe past year, I see how Trust, in the end, was the right word for me.

This year I’ve had to trust my intuition, my decisions andmy heart. I had to trust that giving up everything in Bristol to move back toThe Netherlands was the right decision.

I had to trust myself. Trust my ability, strength, andbelief in myself. Along the way there have been moments where I’ve tested myTrust. I had to Trust my body, my feelings, and my inklings, especially whenthings didn’t seem right. Trust I didn’t have to settle for less. Trust Ican have the best.

Finally, I found I had to Trust the loved ones affected by mychoices would be OK. I wasn’t responsible for their feelings, however, I was asconsiderate and compassionate as I could be. They are on their own path andsometimes you have to let them go, and they have to let you go. Maybe one dayyou will meet again, but for now, the reason why you were in each other’s liveshas ceased, and it’s time to move on, no matter how hard that is. I had to Trustit would all work out. So far I am pleased to see it really has.

Did you have a word for 2011? Or can you think of one nowthat summarises the year you’ve had? Let me know in the comments section, I’dlove to find out.

Merry Christmas!

Gratitude

2011-12-16T13:46:00.000Z

It is that time of year when the Christmas rush has begun,and the party season is in full swing. Funnily enough it got me thinking aboutwhat I am grateful for. Perhaps as the end of 2011 nears, I am starting toreflect on the year that I have had; a rather rollercoaster of a year, but onethat, nonetheless, has left me feeling quite pleased with what I have achieved.

Being grateful is part of that reflection process for me. ThePositive Psychology movement (established by Martin Seligman and Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) uses gratitude as a tool to develop resilience: itis a coping mechanism in times of stress, despair and challenge. I also believegratitude enhances our lives when things are going well, which is something weoften forget to do when life is good. According to The Secret, by focusing onwhat you already have and being grateful for it, you will attract more of thesame (the Law of Attraction).

So, what are you grateful for? Have you ever made a list? Itcan be the smallest things, such as being able to breathe. Or perhaps you’regrateful for owning certain objects, such as your car or your house. Maybe you’regrateful for the love from your family and the support around you.

Even if you think you have nothing to be grateful for – in thosegloomy moments when you think “what is the point?” – even then, you can findsomething to be grateful for. You just have to go back to basics and start with“I am grateful for being alive”.

What this exercise has done for me is to help me realisethat I have an incredible life. If I list the things I am grateful for, I seeon paper, rather than cluttered and disorganised in my head, how wonderful mylife really is. Yes, there are still ‘down’ moments, but what helps me to getthrough the tough times is to think about what is good about my life. It shifts myperspective and lifts my mood.

I challenge you to write three things down that you’regrateful for, ideally daily. Even if it’s being grateful for the sun shining,or your favourite TV show was on. If you find that it is the same things eachday, that’s OK, just keep at it. Do it for at least a month, preferably longer.At the start of the month, write down how you’re feeling and do the sameafterwards. Is there a shift? Are things a bit brighter? I would love to knowwhat things in your life are going better for you after doing this exercise.Feel free to let me know in the comments section.

I wonder what you will be telling me about in a month’stime?

The Need To Retreat

2011-12-09T10:35:00.001Z

These days I am much better at noticing when I need to taketime out and retreat. It can be as short as a few hours in a day, or as long asa few months. I find it’s important for my health and well-being. I can getcaught up in life, its stresses and ‘busy-ness’. Sometimes a breather isneeded.

It also gives you time to take stock. Are things going theway you want them to go? If not, what changes can you make? What else can youdo to improve things? Or, you find out that everything is the way you want itto be and you don’t need to do anything. In the midst of stress, we can’talways see the wood for the trees, so taking time out to retreat gives youclarity and an opportunity to (re-)focus.

I find it particularly necessary to retreat after a trauma,whether it’s a loss of a loved one, an accident you’ve been in, or a period ofall-consuming stress. Whatever the trauma was, time and space is needed toheal. Allow yourself to heal. Give yourself the time, space and nurture thatyou need. Even if there isn’t anyone around you who can help you, you canalways give to yourself. Take the responsibility. Don’t rely on others.

For me it is also important that when I do retreat, that Iaccept I am in a place of rest. That is harder than it sounds. After a fewdays, especially if I am taking a significant amount of time off, I may becomerestless. Thoughts and feelings arise: “I should be doing something; I can’tjust sit around. Who am I kidding?” etc. At this point I have to remember to bekind to myself. It takes time. My mind goes in overdrive, but over time it doesseem to calm down, and starts to accept that it’s fighting a losing battle.

At other times I haven’t rested enough and I have beenstruck down by a nasty cold or flu. “There you go,” says my body, finally forcingme to listen and take a break. “OK, you win, I will rest and recuperate.”Again, this is not always an easy thing to do. I am not a patient ‘patient’. Iget bored of not being able to do much. Then I start to wish I had restedproperly before!

When I retreat I ensure I look after myself. I eathealthily, I go for gentle jogs, I do yoga, meditations or relaxations, I read(inspirational) books, I watch (funny) films – anything that helps me to relaxand switch off. The one thing that I find most therapeutic is walking in thewoods. There is something about being in the woods for me, something specialand magical. It’s a place to re-connect with yourself, your spirit, and withwhat’s around you.

I know when I have retreated enough because I get itchyfeet. I am ready to get back into the world. I have more energy, and more togive to others. I am nurtured, nourished and overflowing with love andcompassion.

How often do you recognise when you need to retreat? Howoften do you allow yourself the time and space needed to heal?

The Hole In The Road

2011-12-02T10:29:00.001Z

Have you heard the story about the man and the hole in theroad? Reminded of it in one of Yarn Song & Yoga’s blogposts, the story mademe reflect on my life and how many different ‘roads’ I’ve taken so far.

A man is walking down a road when he falls into a hole. Thefollowing day, he walks down the same road, remembers the hole too late. “Wasn’tthere a hole somewhere down this road?” he says as he falls in it again. Thenext day, the man does remember the hole, but again too late; he falls in, however,this time someone pulls him out. “Here, give me your hand and I’ll help youout,” the kind person says. The day after that, he falls in the hole yet again.“I can climb out of this hole myself this time,” the man says, and he does.Then, the following day he finally takes a different road.

I love this metaphor. I can apply it to different areas ofmy life. Areas where I’ve tried things, fallen down, picked myself up, dustmyself off, tried again, fell again, tried again, learnt something, applied it,fell down anyway, tried again, someone helped, fell again, helped myself and soforth. Until I realised it wasn’t going to work so maybe it was time to takeanother route.

It resonates with me at the moment because I feel I am atthe end of that story. I’ve taken a different road to the one I was on before,when I was living and working in Bristol. Of course, there is always the chancethat the story repeats itself on this new road; we might fall into a holeagain. But maybe this time we can climb out of it straightaway, because of whatwe learnt along the other road. Or perhaps we are more ‘awake’ and we see thehole just in time and we know how we can jump over it, and we do so safely.

I have no idea where this road I am on right now is going totake me, and whether it’s a side road or a main road. Will I stay in The Netherlands,will I move back to the UK, or will I go to an entirely new country, orcontinent? As I left Bristol, my landlady pointed out the world is my oyster. Iam excited and a little nervous. Things are changing. Old dreams and wishes arere-surfacing, asking for my attention. Most of all, though, no matter what thisroad is, right now this one feels right for me.

How does the-man-and-the-hole-in-the-road story affect you?Does it make you think of the different roads you’ve tried and tested, and areyou finally on the one without holes? Does the road without the holes reallyexist?

I am ready and willing to find out...are you?

Do You Explain Too Often?

2011-11-24T13:37:00.001Z

A while ago I read an interesting article by Christine Kane inwhich she talks about ‘explainers’. In it, she gives six good reasons to stop explainingyourself, if you have a tendency to do so. It got me to thinking about how thisis true for me at times. I tend to explain my actions and decisions to others.When I was younger, I would do this all the time. Now, and maybe that’s becauseI am more secure about who I am and what I want, I do it less. It’s mainly inrelation to the bigger ‘life’ decisions, such as why I moved abroad, or why Ibroke up with a long-term boyfriend. It wasn’t enough to say “it wasn’t workingfor me” – I felt a need to explain further.

Aren't we looking for other people’s approval of our decisionswhen we explain why we did, or didn’t, do something? Consciously, I know Idon’t need someone’s approval to do what I want, yet when I explain myself,aren’t I somehow seeking to find out what that person thinks of me, my actions,or my decision-making ability? Or is it merely a reflection back to myself, andthe person I am judging is me?

What I do know is that sometimes I gain clarity byexplaining my decisions. It’s as if I need to think out loud. So, in this casethe other person is a sounding board, someone you can bounce ideas off. Othertimes, people may be genuinely interested in your decisions, and the process ofmaking your decision. “How did you do that?” they may ask, thinking they wouldalso like to quit their job/move abroad/start a business, but they are unsureabout how they will do it.

Is it when we make a decision and then are afraid toannounce it to our spouse, parents, family and friends, that is the problem?

There will be people who don’t approve of, or agree with,your decisions and actions. That is theirreaction, their responsibility, notyours. You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. They have a choicewhen reacting to your actions, just like you have a choice in how you react totheir decisions and actions.

By explaining yourself and your decisions, aren’t youquestioning your ability to decide what is right for you at that time? Isn’t itinviting other people to question you? The ego seems to want a justificationfor your decision to move/quit your job/write a book. Your true self doesn’tneed this explanation. All that matters is believing in yourself.

You can be held back by constantly explaining yourself.Wasting time and energy waiting for other people’s reactions once you’ve made adecision, when you could be seizing the moment or the opportunity. We areresponsible for our own happiness, so if quitting your job/going back touniversity/becoming a painter makes you truly happy, do it! Let the othersworry about their reaction. Yes it’s scary, but once you listen to your heartand act on it, you empower yourself.

Where and when can you stop explaining yourself and youractions? Is there something you want (to do) that you can go ahead with,without explaining why?

Being Brave

2011-11-18T11:16:00.000Z

Being brave is knowing what you want and having the courageto go for it.

Being brave is admitting when things aren’t working out.

Being brave is putting a stop to a toxic relationship.

Being brave is standing up for yourself.

Being brave is jumping into the unknown and trusting it.

Being brave is empowering.

There are many different ways to being brave, and what ischallenging for one person is a doddle for another.

We can be brave in little and big ways: making a phone callwe’ve been putting off, admitting our true feelings to ourselves or someoneelse, or moving to a new country to start a new life. The more often we arebrave in little ways, the more we start to realise we can be brave in biggerways.

Some days I can do two or more brave things, other days Icannot face it at all. Occasionally, I have to build up to being brave. When I’ve finally taken action, I need time to digest the step I’ve taken.It’s almost like a breathing space to get used to this ‘new’ level I’ve got to.Then once I am comfortable, I can be brave again. In time, I notice I haveexpanded my comfort zone and sometimes I surprise myself at what I am capableof. We don’t always give ourselves enough credit for what we can do!

I also notice my body needs to rest and recover after eachbrave moment, because in the lead up to it my heart was pounding, my palms weresweaty and adrenaline was rushing through my system (the stress or fight/flightresponse is turned on). On a physiological level it is important to allow yourbody to discharge that energy in order to regain balance in your system. Formore on this, I highly recommend reading Whyzebra’s don’t get ulcers by Robert M. Sapolsky who explains why it’sessential and necessary to our health to recover after activating our stressresponse.

What helps me when faced with being brave is to take amoment for myself. If I have a challenging phone call to make, for example, Iwill mentally rehearse what I will say, and write it down on a piece of paperto refer to during the call. I’ve been known to write a whole script beforemaking phone calls – whatever helps you to take that step to be brave, do it. BeforeI start dialling I take a few deep breaths in and out of my nose. Afterwards, Iensure I do something to let my body and my mind calm down, often it’s simplybreathing in and out of my nose, and relaxing the tension in my body.

What does being brave look like for you? What can you bebrave about today, tomorrow, or next week?

Have A Nice Day

2011-11-10T12:47:00.000Z

Something a little different today; I would like to sharea prayer of sorts that I read when I was a teenager and which struck such achord that I had to copy it down onto a separate piece of paper, and which Ithen kept in a file of favourite poems, sayings and affirmations.

The other day I came across this file whilst I was havinga small sort out. I found the two bits of paper on which I’d written thisprayer. I’d forgotten all about it, since it’d been buried in my old room at myparents’ house for years. For the life of me, I cannot remember where theoriginal text is from, though I have a feeling it may have been from a greetingcard!

It’s a lovely piece of text, and one you can refer to inchallenging times:

May everyday ofyour life be a celebration of all that you are.

May everyday ofyour life bring you fresh hopes for tomorrow – because hope gives all of us ourreason for trying.

May each new daybring a feeling of excitement, joy and a wonderful sense of expectation. Expectthe best and you’ll get it.

May you find peacein simple things because those are the ones that will always be there.

May you rememberthe good times and forget the sorrow and pain, for the good times will remindyou of how special your life has been.

May you always feelsecure and loved and know you are the best.

May you experienceall the good things in life – the happiness of realising your dreams, the joyof feeling worthwhile and the satisfaction of knowing you’ve succeeded.

May you find warmthin others, expressions of love and kindness, smiles that encourage you andfriends who are loyal and honest.

May you realise theimportance of patience and accept others for what they are. With understandingand love, you’ll find the good in every heart.

May you have faithin others and the ability to be vulnerable. Open your heart and really sharethe miracle of love and intimacy. Above all, may you be happy with yourself.

HAND! Have a niceday! – Regina Hill

The Paralysing Power Of 'When'

2011-11-03T13:25:00.000Z

“When I have won the lottery, I will travel the world.”

“When I have enough money, I will find out what I want to do in life.”

“When I have the time, I will paint.”

“When I’ve tidied the office, I will write.”

“When...”

Does this sound familiar?

Our ‘when’ statements, like the above, are paralysing; theyhold us back. It’s as if we are waiting for the perfect moment to do/be/havewhat we truly want. But does that perfect moment exist? Our minds create theillusion that then, and only then,can we
travel/paint/write. We could, however, be waiting our whole lifetime forthat ideal moment, because we may never win the lottery, for example.

Our ‘when’ statements are used to avoid facing our fears. Whatif we do what we want, get what we want, have what we want? What if we have success? It’s not always failurewe fear; fear of success is ever present, sometimes more so than fear offailure. As if a part of us thinks we don’t deserve what we truly want. Ourprimitive brain wants to keep us safe in our comfort zone, where there is norisk of either success or failure. This is why we feel paralysed. Thefight/flight/freeze response, housed in the primitive brain, kicks in. Wefreeze on the spot. We feel debilitated and unable to move forward. We are stuckin our comfort zone. We wait instead of live. We don’t engage with life and weignore what our heart is yearning for us to do.

My mum wrote a brilliant blog post The Time Has Come about her experience of the paralysing power of‘when’. It was about setting up her blog.

How do I break down my ‘when’ statements? First of all, Ibecome aware of what is going on. I notice my thoughts, my feelings, and how mybody reacts. I check my stress levels: are they high? Am I coping with a lot? Stresscan be underlying. Headaches, IBS and skin problems all show me that perhaps Iam more stressed than I realise. If this is the case, I take time out to relax(e.g. relaxation CD, exercise) to bring those stress levels back down.

Secondly, and this is challenging: I accept what ishappening, I accept my situation.

Once I am aware and I accept my situation, I can start tochange my thoughts around it and how I react to it. Step by step I can breakthe cycle. It takes time, and therefore I ensure I am kind and gentle to myself.I am aware I am in a process.

My mind/ego/primitive brain will try to battle for controland some days it will win. The fear returns. That’s OK, because I remind myselfabout being kind and gentle to myself, taking time out to relax, being aware ofwhat is happening, accepting it and then changing my thought patterns again.

Lastly, I look at the way I can create how I want things tobe, rather than just reacting to events and triggers. What small thing can I dotoday to take me one step closer to my dream/goal? What can I do to make thingshappen the way I would like them to happen? I do something that is easilyachieved and before I know it, those small things result in bigger changes. The‘when’ becomes the ‘now’.

Do you struggle with ‘when’ statements? What do you do toovercome them?

In With The New

2011-10-27T13:51:00.001+01:00

A few months ago, I decided to go through my wardrobe ofclothes and start the process of de-cluttering. There were lots of old itemsfrom my days as a student and going out to clubs for example, which didn’tquite fit nor were in good condition anymore.

It took me a while to whittle my wardrobe down to amanageable size that I could easily transport over to The Netherlands when Imoved at the end of August. However, I’d gone so far that I was running out ofthings to wear!

It’d been satisfying giving away my old clothes – I wasdelightfully surprised that most of them were good enough to go to the charityshop. What they thought of my clothes, I don’t know. I didn’t mind if theywould cut them up and sold the bits as rags. At least they would be raisingmoney.

Once I arrived in The Netherlands, unpacked and got my roomsdecorated and sorted, I had the time and space to look at my clothes andrealise it really was time to goshopping.

Normally, I am not someone who particularly likes clothesshopping. I can’t be bothered to try things on, I get bored, hot and bothered.I am the same with food shopping; I don’t enjoy it and the quicker it’s done,the better. I also like to go when it’s quiet to minimise the risk of ‘trolleyrage’.

One Monday a few weeks ago, I went to Leidsehage, a localshopping area with free parking (yes, freeparking), with the intention of spending only an hour there, but I astonishinglymanaged to stay out a few hours and buy some new clothes. A couple of weekslater, after a shopping trip with Mum to the same shopping area, I came homewith more bags. Where was this suddenly coming from!

The best part about the whole experience was that I feltgood. I felt good trying on the new clothes. I also think I am finally findingmy style and knowing what looks good on me and what doesn’t (thank you Gok Wanand Colour Me Beautiful).

I also think it’s all part of my fresh start. I’d got rid ofthe ‘old’, and I was inviting the ‘new’ in.

At first, it was difficult to let go of some of my clothes: whatif I wouldn’t have enough money to buy any more; what if I’d run out of clothes;what if I don’t find anything nice? etc. I had to learn to trust that the ‘new’would flow in. I didn’t know how, but it did. I think that is what excited memost, because now I want to see what else will flow in to the other areasin my life that I have created a new space for.

We shall see...

Angry Writing

2011-10-20T13:15:00.001+01:00

Don’t worry, this is not an angry blog post.

Rather, it is my experience of how I channel negative energy,such as anger, through writing. One of my recent blog posts, What A Difference A Run Makes, talksabout how through trance we naturally process negative thoughts/energies thatwe may have accumulated during the day. What I mentioned in the post was howrunning is a way of discharging those negative energies. I often feel refreshedand positive when I’ve come back from a run.

Similarly, I find I get the same benefits from writing whenI am feeling emotional, particularly when I am feeling angry, upset orresentful. I put pen to paper, or fingertips to keyboard, and I describe how Iam feeling. I get it out quickly. I go into a sort of trance. It’s no longer inmy head, it’s out there, on paper or the screen, and I’ve got it off my chest,so to speak.

The other day I felt agitated. It started when I woke up laterthan I like to and I’d had some intense dreams. The dreaming state, or REM, isalso a natural way to process negative energies. No surprise that I woke up feelingenervated. Lethargic. Dare I say it...grumpy?I thought to myself, “It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?” and thenit turned out to be like that; a self-fulfilling prophecy perhaps?

Nevertheless, I couldn’t find my rhythm that morning. I wasdistracted. I was feeling angry and fed up, and I wasn’t sure why. I didn’twant to feel that way and I asked myself, “What small thing can I do to makemyself feel better in this very moment?”

“Have a nice cup of tea,” popped into my head.

The cup of tea lifted my mood, but only for half an hour.

So, what else could I do?

I pottered some more, not really achieving anything, gettingeven more fed up with myself – I recognised the signs I wasprocrastinating.

I sat down around 4 o’clock in the afternoon, poised towrite my next blog post. Again, I couldn’t get into it. I started one topic,then another, deleted a couple of words, then deleted the whole lot in a huff. Istared at the blank Word document. Then I wrote “I am fed up.” That was thecatalyst for finally getting out what was bothering me. Typing frantically, Iwas surprised by what I discovered.

Afterwards, I felt great. I felt refreshed, energised, lightand my spirit returned. I’d written a page full of my thoughts. Messy and dottedwith mistakes, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was I dumped ‘stuff’. Igot out of my head and back into my body. I realised I was hungry – if I’dstayed in my head I wouldn’t have noticed – and got myself a snack.

Writing is powerful, no matter who you are, what you do andwhether you consider yourself a writer or not. I believe writing is a healthyway to un-bottle my emotions and not let them fester till I explode.

That’s two different ways I release my emotions. What do youdo to let off steam?

Vision Boards

2011-10-13T13:06:00.000+01:00

Following on from last week’s post on Vision, this weekVision Boards get my attention. A few weeks ago, Mum and I had a fun Saturdaymorning when we made our vision boards. Using Christine Kane’s guidelines, Idecided to create an “Opening and Allowing” vision board. This type of visionboard is great for people who are not sure what they want, and who are curious to see what appears.

The idea is to get a bunch of magazines and flick throughthem quickly and tear out any images that speak to you, those that catch youreye, or as Christine Kane puts it, delights you. No thinking involved, justdoing. We also decided to put a 20-minute time limit on our tearing-outactivity.

It was surprising how fast the twenty minutes passed and Ifelt that I hadn’t torn out many images when the buzzer went. With what I had,I then made another selection, and where I felt necessary I cropped them. Itook a piece of paper (A3 landscape) and arranged my final images on there.

The images I chose were unexpected, and not what I thought Iwould go for. When you go through and tear out the images quickly, you don’tgive your ego/rational brain time to think about or dwell on each image,analysing it, deciding whether you like it or not – instead you use yourintuition.

I was baffled by what I chose. I didn’t know how it appliedto me, how it all made sense. I was glad to talk to Mum about my vision boardso I could get her input. Most of my images were symbolic, yet some wereliteral too.

I have now hung my vision board up in my bedroom so I canlook at it each day. I am still not sure what it all means but I trust I’llfigure it out one day. In the meantime, I have made a second vision board thatis specific: images of things/experiences I know I want. I have written asentence below each image, in present tense, as if I already have thosethings/experiences. These things/experiences can be anything ranging fromhaving a dog to going on a holiday to having a house to finding inner peace.It’s whatever you want to attract in your life.

I like vision boards, because for me they are a great visualreminder of what it is that I want. It helps me to stick to my path. They guideme and help me to do one thing each day to get closer to achieving my vision. Avision board makes my wishes feel more real, they are no longer in my head. Ina sense, I’ve committed them to paper. They are now ‘out there’ and it’s timefor me to take action.

I’ll keep you posted on my progress!

Vision

2011-10-07T10:05:00.000+01:00

Last Friday, I had the privilege and pleasure of attending abook launch party. Jo Parfitt wrote and self-published her first novel SunshineSoup, and Jae De Wylde wrote her debut novel The Thinking Tank,which was published by Jo through Summertime Publishing. Held in Café Quirky inThe Hague, we were greeted with a glass of pink champagne, which was refreshingon that lovely warm, sunny evening.

What struck me most was how these two incredible ladies bothhad a vision to write and publish a novel, and there I was celebrating theirmoment with them: they had finally achieved their vision. It was an honour tobe there, and I also found it inspiring.

Their achievements, along with a few others, have recentlyreminded me to hold onto my vision. Firstly, my brother Michael Sanderson,a talented cameraman and photographer, had a vision of making a particular wildlifedocumentary. It is now being realised.

Another family member, my mum Maggie Sanderson,had a vision at the age of 40 to become a yoga teacher; now 20 years on she isa qualified teacher and teaches a wonderful weekly yoga class.

What the above examples have reminded me of is to never giveup on your vision or your dream. What you imagine in your head CAN happen.

Having a vision can seem daunting though. How on earth arewe going to achieve writing and publishing a book; exhibiting our work in anart gallery; running a marathon; going back to university to study; and soforth? Where do you start? Often we don’t know how we are going to do it, butthat doesn’t matter, the how willappear. What you need to be clear about and focus on is the what.

It does take time to realise your vision. Nowadays, one ofthe problems is we want things to happen now; our culture demands it and isgeared towards it. We speed up, workourselves into a frenzy and if we’re not careful we burn out. No wonder peoplegive up on their vision and their dreams. If you’re not enjoying the journeytowards achieving your vision, what is the point?

Give yourself permission and the time to work on yourvision. I always ask myself, what small thing can I do today that is in linewith achieving my vision? I believe it’s important to look after yourself, havefun and live your life whilst focusing on your vision.

As I was finishing off this post, I was saddened by the newsof Steve Jobs’ death. He was a visionary. Not only that, he acted on hisvision. He made incredible things happen. It took him time to build up his business,but then he lost it all. Did he give up? No, he went on to create anotheramazing company, always focusing on his passion and doing what he loved. Hefollowed his heart and intuition, and always encouraged us to do the same.

What is your vision? Do you have more than one? What are you aspiring to achieve? Ileave you with a quote that spoke to me when I read it for the first time thisweek:

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery youmiss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going andwhy.” – Eddie Cantor

What A Difference A Run Makes

2011-09-29T11:15:00.001+01:00

I love running. Really, I do.

I used to think I had to run fast, beat my time, set apersonal best, or win a race. It was hard for my body to train that way, and Ioften gave up.

These days, running means something different to me. It’sabout clearing my head, getting into a rhythm, taking in my surroundings,moving my body, and, at a deeper level, there is something spiritual about it. Oneof my favourite routes is through the woods opposite my parents’ house, which Ihave done a few times since I moved back.

Research has shown that when we go into a trance, forinstance when we run, our brain switches into a solution-focused mode. Trance islike a state of concentration, a day-dreaming state, where our conscious mindcomes together with our subconscious. The answer to a problem that wastroubling us may suddenly pop into our heads when we run/do the dishes/have abath. Scientists now say we go into trance many times a day (every time our thoughts drift off somewhere else).

What’s more, in a state of trance our mind processes thepile of negativity that we have accumulated during the day. Any negativethought we have about the past, present or future is added to the pile. Trance is a replication of rapid eye movement(REM) sleep. During REM (the dreaming stage of sleep), the brain deals with theemotional attachment of our thoughts and memories so that we can thinkrationally about them. It’s a natural way todischarge negative energies because it isn’t always appropriate to have anangry outburst, so we bottle it up instead. We know that’s not healthy, and weneed an outlet. For me, running and exercise are perfect outlets for anynegative energies. When I come back from a run or even a quick ten-minute walkaround the block, my head feels clearer, I feel less anxious and moreenergised.

Running helps me to be in the moment. I am focused on mybreathing, on my pace, on listening to my body and if there are any aches orpains I notice them, and I feel whether they are ‘good’ pains or bad. A seriousknee injury in 2007 taught me to listen to my body, and to be patient. I wasforced to build up my running from scratch. In the beginning, I could run forone minute, then I had to walk. That was it. Slowly, I’ve been able to increasethe running part bit by bit. I am grateful I can run again, because at onepoint I didn’t think I would be able to; even walking was painful. I kept atit. I was determined to run and play hockey again. It took me a year.

I love the feeling I get the moment I finish my run. I feel a release. My mind is clear and quiet. My body feels good. Ifeel good. I have a sense of achievement, because often I've had to talk myselfinto going for a run (yes, I am still human and have moments when it really isthe last thing I want to do!), and then once I’ve done it I am chuffed.

For me, running is a metaphor that I can apply to life. Ibuild my running up step by step, I go at my pace, I overcome obstacles and Iget natural rewards – the rush of endorphins, dopamine and serotonin – for myachievements, which make me feel fantastic and motivate me to continue. In thatway, a run can make a huge difference to my day.

What one small thingcan you do today that will make a big difference to you?